Cut Scenes:Thought Process
Port Island - SEES Dormitory, Rooftop - IC Time: December 13th, 2011. 12:00 AM. Dark Hour.
<Yoh is sitting, perched on the rooftop. The Dark Hour has just began. Shadows calling out to the night can be heard in the distance; a bitter cold is in the air from winter's grip. The teen is overlooks the city block in view. He has a troubled look on his face.>
Um. Hi. I uh... I have never done this before. You know... this... talking to myself.
I did not want to bother anyone with my problems. My worries and fears. Yeah, but I am still talking. To who? Myself. I'm not a Schizophrenic. I am not hearing voices. I just needed someone to listen. You, as in myself, will do fine I guess.
That fight the other night was terrifying. I mean, Arcana fights are always tough no matter what. But so many things could have went wrong that time. People were falling over from injuries, the damage and attacks were devastating... They are getting stronger. Maybe by not just power, but... intelligence. I swear they seem to learn things about us in each fight. Always watching. Always assessing. I read books on theories of collective intelligence before from my dad's psychology books-- a sort of hivemind. Maybe they have this trait? I mean, don't get me wrong. They are evil. But I recall times where every Shadow attacked me on sight. Now many of them just... flee. Sometimes it almost seems that they lead me to larger, more formidable opponents. If so, we are in a dire situation. We may have taken too long to do the job SEES needed to do.
...No, I am not giving up, if that is what You are thinking. There's always a reason for things that happen. We may just be going about the solution the wrong way, is all. What can we do though? We are only so many. of all people, You know that.
Along with these problems, to further the idea of an intelligence, I swear they know my weaknesses now, or what works best against me. Every fight, You have felt the pain. The spikes of pain in my mind. The primal fear instilled in me, the cornered feeling You share. It makes You want to lash out at whatever is closest, doesn't it? Only hearing the voices of Your friends does it help discern friend from foe as everything seems to turn red. Is this how Thora feels when she loses control? Is this a bad omen? Am I going too far?
...Since a while back, I have felt like I have reached a barrier. A wall barring progress. None of my training has yielded any different results. I haven't gained any muscle mass either. My attacks through Magni have gained no more potency. Perhaps this is the point I am supposed to be at? The Velvet Room tenants have said there is infinite possibility in what I hold. Why can I get no stronger? Did I push too far, and cause damage? Maybe we are doing it wrong.
...
If this keeps up, I could hurt people. Important people. People I care about. But we do have to carry on... Our enemies grow in power. I cannot let up. You cannot let up. Though the last thing I want to do is cause collateral damage. I have hurt people in the past. Masumi... Kaede... Those that saved me from my Shadow as well... While I cannot correct the past mistakes, prevention of future ones is probably best.
Though, what will others think of me? No matter what I choose to do it may affect people that look up to me, or those that I look to for guidance. ...Maybe I should talk to someone. No, You are not a bad listener by no means. Just maybe others can see the answers that are invisible to me. This may be one of those cases where it is impossible to understand without help.
Perhaps another visit to the Velvet Room is in order.
...It is just that... there is something I feel I am missing. Something I do not grasp yet. I joined in this supernatural war in a desperate play to become important and wanted. To not just be another face in the crowd. While I got my wish, and everything that has happened has (almost) been expected, I feel as though I missed a rule. a concept, to this entire scuffle I am in, helping those who cannot help themselves in a world where... powers beyond our comprehension exist. Maybe You are not meant to know...?
I feel as though if I find what this crucial thing is, everything will fall into place for me. We should retrace our steps... see what all happened in the days where everything happened so fast...
Anyway, I better get going. We have a patrol tonight. This kinda sounded weird to me talking to myself, but... I feel better somehow. I don't know. Just knowing someone listened to my problems, and wouldn't be worrying about me whatsoever is comforting.
Let's get going.
